Post details: Hours on Door Closet

10/11/05

Permalink 12:33:00 pm, Categories: Articles, 766 words   English (US)

Hours on Door Closet


Hours on Door Closet

Hours on Door Closet and you think: What could be easier than building this up?
After hours on a Door Closet, cup back in the sink, plaster on the finger, you swear you would never ever go back to the Closet.

Operation Closet - Part 2

NO DIAGRAM? What do you mean NO DIAGRAM?

All is not that bad. Gaining second wind and laughing at yourself for the panic you go back upstairs convincing yourself that it can not be that difficult. A couple of shelves, a back and a front and some sides’ that is all there is to building this up. What could be easier than that? You are now convinced that all will be easy and back to work you go with gusto and renewed energy! All you have to do is to arrange the separate pieces into order of place and work from there. Find the back, the bottom and two sides and then screw them together. After that, well, just fit the doors and “bobs your uncle”.

Seven hours it takes you. Seven hours of head scratching, sweating nervousness that the wife should return early and of seriously considering running out and buying a pre-assembled unit. Seven hours of puzzlement about why no panels are of the same size, why the floor is three inches shorter than the top and why there are not enough screws for the job. Seven hours of panic and heartburn as you precariously balance on one foot, holding one side up with your elbow and attempting to get a screw into place with your mouth. Seven hours of trying to figure out how you managed to get the door handles inside instead of out and why you had to open the left door before the right door would open.

The first hour of all of this was spent trying to work out which piece was the floor. Deciding that it was the oblong section that had screw holes in it you had suitably attached it to what you thought was the right side. Whilst trying to balance on the washing basket and fix what you thought was the top onto what you thought was the side, you fell off seriously damaging your ankle and cutting your finger on the knife that had been lying beside the door. It was whilst looking upwards and deciding whether to nurse your ankle or suck on your bleeding finger that you noticed that the top was not the top after all. And that the bottom was actually an internal shelf and that the side that you had made so many holes in was after all, the door.

It was after seven hours that you managed to assemble a closet into some sort of order. One door did have a few extra holes in it and the other door did have a rather large coffee stain in the middle but it was together. Oh, and the back did look a mess as in a temper you had accidentally punched a hole through the thin plywood and nailed it crooked to the closet frame. The door handles that you had broken whilst removing them from the inside of the doors to the outside looked okay once taped together and the mirror that you had cracked was not needed anyway – that you had removed outside to the garage never to be talked about again.

Tools away, cup back in the sink, plaster on the finger and a soaking hot bath later and you are sitting comfortably with a newspaper in front of the television. Secretly swearing to yourself that you would never ever do such a thing again. Pre-assembled furniture all the way from now on you say to yourself. The wife on her return complains about the coffee stain on the stairs, makes some comment about the closet looking like a twenty year-old disaster and then goes to make dinner. Operation Closet complete and behind you!

SIX MONTHS LATER

One fine day, there you are eating your cereal in the morning and the wife comes along and says, “we need a new dresser in the spare room”. Your heart jumps and without falter you say “yes dear, I will get the car out on Saturday and look for something nice”.

Ieuan Dolby - ieuandolby@lycos.com

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